Karen is that you?

Sometimes I really get in my own head. Case in point: working on this blog. I’ll write two or three short pieces and then, upon rereading them, immediately think, Who the heck do I think I am? Why would anyone want to read my life perspective… just because?

To be clear, I’m not chasing recognition or applause (although if someone wanted to send snacks or flowers, I wouldn’t say no).

This is more about the voice in my head. You know the one—the inner critic who apparently works overtime and has very strong opinions. The one that tells me I’m not good enough, not attractive enough, not smart enough… that I’m boring, lazy, and undeserving. A real treat.

Negative self-talk is something I’ve dealt with for years, and if we’re being honest, most of us have—whether occasionally or on a daily loop. It’s that voice I have to stop, look straight in the metaphorical eye, and say, “NO.” Those things aren’t true. In fact, they’re usually the complete opposite of the truth.

Now, this isn’t always easy. I work on it through meditation, little reminders, and sometimes actual notes to myself (yes, I am that person with motivational Post-its).

I remind myself:

• I am smart enough (three diplomas on my wall say so).

• My body is healthy and capable (it gets me out of bed and through the day—honestly, MVP behavior).

• My mind is clear and focused (well… most of the time, let’s not get carried away).

• I’m successful and intelligent (career-wise, I’m doing just fine, happy and that is success).

I try to be a good friend to myself. Because really—what would I say to a friend going through this kind of negative spiral? I certainly wouldn’t call them lazy, stupid, or ugly. So why on earth would I say that to myself?

If I’m being honest, that negative voice tends to get loudest when I’m doing hard things. Like hiking or skiing with friends who are faster, stronger, and—let’s face it—about a foot taller than me. I’m just over five feet tall, and many of my friends are pushing six feet (yes, even the women). Genetics is clearly on their side when it comes to long strides and effortless trekking.

So there I am, bringing up the rear, accompanied by my thoughts… which are not always kind.

That’s when the positive self-talk kicks in – with work:“My body is doing this.”“Thank you, legs, for continuing to function.”“One more step is still a step.”

And at the end of the day? We all make it. We all had a great experience. And it’s not a race. (Well… usually not a race.)

A couple of summers ago, I went to a workshop where a woman had named her inner critic “Karen.” Whenever that voice started up, she’d simply think, “Shut up, Karen!” Honestly? Iconic.

I don’t have a Karen (yet), but I do like the idea of naming that voice—giving it an identity so it feels less like me and more like something I can gently (or not-so-gently) ignore.

For me, mantras work well. Whether I’m meditating, hiking in the woods, or—throwback moment—birthing babies two decades ago, it’s the positive phrases that carry me through.

Things like:

“I can do this.”

“I am strong.”

“I am intelligent.”

“I am funny.”

“I am friendly.”

As I’m writing this, I’m looking up at three affirmations pinned above my desk:

“I am peaceful.”

“I am fabulous, funny, and giving.”

“I am clever, courageous, and caring.”

The idea behind mantras is simple: what you think, you become. What you repeat, you start to believe.

Now, none of this means that the inner voice magically disappears. Let’s not get unrealistic here—she’s persistent.

But with a little practice, she does get quieter.

And honestly? I’ll take quieter.